Endless blank pages

This is the time of morning I enjoy most. The cigarettes and coffee have soothed my nicotine and caffeine addictions. My nerves no longer scream at me. I sit at the computer and fill blank pages with words. The blank pages seem to stretch to infinity as if there is no finish line. I inhabit different worlds for good or ill.

Chess is like that too. I was challenged this morning by a 17 year man who lives in England. He’s kicked my ass twice already, but the pieces stand before me like infinite possibility. This might be my game, but even if I lose again, I feel as though it will be one of my best.

V represents an infinite possibility too. We spent an unexpected get away weekend together even though we did not travel far. Every moment was filled with something new, different, and luminous. At night while she was sleeping, I memorized the details of her body and face as she slept. The weekend seems to have gone by in a blur, but I can play the movie of it in slow motion so as to recall every detail. If I wrote every detail about the previous three days and the feeling of what happened, I would fill volumes.

Yes, V is infinite possibility. I’ll fill the blank pages as best I can even though I know the price will come high. Just as there are no free lunches in the economic sphere, there are no free lunches when it comes to love, especially when it is doomed from the beginning. All I know is that I need to fill these blank pages in my life and that it’s worth it.

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Published in: on February 25, 2008 at 12:19 pm  Leave a Comment  

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