Shut up

I explore the chess games in a big online database. I meander through the moves, almost at random, like floating down a river on a raft on a sunny summer afternoon. People, better chess players than me, have played these games. People on my river have floated along it, looked at the same trees growing along its banks. Nothing seems new, yet nothing seems as if it has happened before. This drifting I call the feeling of what happens might be new or well floated and noted. History repeats itself or takes a turn toward the unique. I simply do not know. The day yawns before me an incomprehensible blob.

I drift, dreaming the while, toward something wicked or wonderful, or worse yet, something simply mundane and ordinary. Meanwhile, Judy Collins sings Send in the Clowns in the background and every sad event of my life seems to desperately call my attention.

The cure for this drifting: walk into the beautiful spring sunlight; see what happens. Feel it; don’t think about it; just feel it State Street; and for Christ’s sake, shut the fuck up.

Published in: on April 20, 2008 at 11:48 am  Leave a Comment  

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