Get over it; not hardly

Let’s face it. This blog became a blog about V and me. Now that we are no longer romantically involved (still friends though) what should I write about? I have never been able to write a damned thing on this blog except for what was on my mind at the time. There lies the dilemma: V is still on my mind. I want to write about V and me even though there is no longer any V and me as I knew it. I will indulge my urge and desire and write about her anyway. I have nothing but praises to say about her so it can’t be that bad. Can it?

First of all, I woke in my bed this morning alone. Yes, I lit a cigarette first thing. My first coherent thought was of V. Would I see her tonight? Then reality set in. Even though I will see her again at times, it won’t be the way it was, and most of the time I won’t know when it will be.

I will also never wake next to her. She will never again nestle her head in my shoulder in bed. I won’t see her pull on her blue jeans before heading home to get ready for work. I won’t walk down to the street with her in the morning and kiss her goodbye before she she gets in a cab.

Then there was her kisses. Kisses to die for. No woman ever kissed me as well as she; no woman ever will. And of course, I was more sexually attracted to her than any woman I ever met. Just being in the same room as her is an incredible sexual experience.

My days were totally and completely filled with the expectation of the next time we would be together. My future was with her.

We will see each other again still. Of that I am more than grateful. Strangers and friends will notice something odd about us. They will intuit I love her passionately, yet also realize the feeling is not reciprocal. I hope they do not pity me. It is better to love passionately than not at all.

Then there will be the first time when I see her or hear of her with another man. That is going to hurt beyond belief. I’ll down my shots of Maker’s Mark faster. Try my best to anesthetize my emotions.

I know this is the age of get over it, move on. Distance yourself from a former love as quickly as you can. But that ain’t me. I don’t want to get over V. And even though I can move on today with someone else, I don’t want to. I reveled in my love when things went well. I will revel in my love now that things have gone badly.

Damn, I remember V’s kisses all to well. I don’t want to forget.

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Published in: on June 25, 2008 at 8:26 am  Leave a Comment  

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