Insomnia and death

Didn’t sleep a wink last night.  Dawn was upon me before I knew it.  And still, I’m not all that tired even though the next night has arrived.  Maybe, I am just afraid of death on these glorious long lived sunlit days and that’s what keeps me awake.

Published in: on June 7, 2010 at 10:19 pm  Leave a Comment  

Saturday night in Amsterdam

I’m on a combined bar/coffeehouse crawl: a beer, some smoke, etc. Of course, I have been stoned since 6 AM this morning, but I walked and toured a lot today anyway. This probably is the last of my wi-fi connections until I get back to my hotel at which time I’ll probably be too wrecked to say, goodnight.

Published in: on September 20, 2008 at 2:42 pm  Comments (2)  

Saturday morning in Amsterdam. I’ll spend the morning seeing the museums and sights. In the afternoon, I’ll explore the coffeehouses. The days already take on a pattern.

Published in: on September 19, 2008 at 11:27 pm  Comments (2)  

An old traveler

Yesterday, I was reading a travel guide for Amsterdam, Brussels, and Bruges–three cities, along with Paris, I will visit in September. The most fun part was studying the maps and tracing walking tours. I imagined V was accompanying me on the trip. We walked along foreign streets, and sat in cafes refreshing ourselves.

She sat down beside me unexpectedly and unannounced while I was immersed in thoughts of traveling. I enjoyed sitting with her. I did not mention how sad I was that she was not going with me. The melancholy of it disturbs my thoughts this morning. But I would rather have this melancholy than not having met her at all, despite my disappointments regarding the impossible.

I suppose these thoughts made me fish four of the Sebald novels from the book stacks in my apartment. They are written in the first person. The protagonists are melancholy travelers through Europe. These characters share a personal exhaustion with the age in which they live and the countries through which they travel. The plots are a fascinating accumulation of detail. The hero starts his journey tired and melancholy. He never leaves those states despite who he has met or what he has witnessed. All seems as it necessarily must be.

I feel old today. That’s just as well, for I am. I resist any attempt at objectivity as I think about what I want to do. I cannot say anything as eloquently as a Sebald character can, yet I may never have tried, for eloquence arises from the subjective, not the objective. I’ve run away from myself for so many years I wonder if I can ever recover something imitating a genuine self.

I hear in my mind’s ear Willie Nelson singing his beautifully styled version of I Can See Clearly Now.

Published in: on August 28, 2008 at 9:51 am  Leave a Comment  


It’s official. I’m flying to Amsterdam on Sept. 17 and return home on Oct. 2. I’m taking the train to Prague after Amsterdam and returning to Amsterdam on the train. Except for the flights, all details are still to be worked out.

Finally, I figured out traveling. Book the flight. Worry about everything else later.

Published in: on August 3, 2008 at 5:50 pm  Leave a Comment